Articles Adapted from Oh, Baby!
HAVING A BABY CAN BRING FAMILIES CLOSER TOGETHER
While family relationships certainly get more complicated when children enter the fold, they can also be enriched as never before. Family celebrations become more important, and being there to celebrate milestones of each family member can give you a sense of belonging. Rifts can be mended as people realize they don’t want to waste another minute being upset and away from family members. With children comes healing. You now understand why your sister is so protective of her kids or why your mother wouldn’t let you get your ears pierced when you were seven. And having children affords more opportunities to spend time together. School, sporting, and religious events are all occasions for the whole family to gather. The birth of a baby is a time of renewal for many families.
You’ll Have a Family for Your Child: Most people crave family. This may be especially true if you didn’t have close relationships with your extended family when you were growing up. People from families that weren’t close often seem to marry someone from close-knit families because it provides the togetherness they long for. And when we have our own children, we want them to benefit from the whole family experience, surrounded by the company and love of relatives. Family traditions are also treasured. As troublesome as they can sometimes be, we know our lives would be very empty without family in them—and we don’t want that to happen to our children.
You Can Count on Your Family to Be There for Your Child: Having family means your child is special to someone, and as such, accepted. She doesn’t have to do too much to earn her place. She doesn’t need to stop hitting her sister over the head with the toy before she gains love and affection. And she doesn’t need to win the science fair or even get on the honor roll. Belonging to a family is automatic acceptance. Friends will come and go. People will frequently reject you, or prize their relationship with you only if it’s good for them. But when you’re part of a family, you’re a piece of the family puzzle. Regardless of your size, shape, and disposition, you’re one of the pieces, and there is a place just for you. Your children also become a piece of the puzzle and, as such, have a place in the world; they’ll find security in that. Most likely you can count on your family, especially your parents, to shower your child with love. Who else will get all excited to get a handmade card from your child that says, “I love my auntie,” or “Gamma, you’re the greatest”? We are someone special to someone special!
A Child Can Enrich, Even Mend, Relationships: Children have an innate talent for mending relationships. If you never had much in common with your mother, the bond you now share with the birth of a child can give you reason to be together. Perhaps you and your sister never had a close relationship, but as your children love playing with her children, you find yourself getting together more often—and pushing aside old hurts. When your child asks, “Why are you mad at Uncle William?” and you can’t even remember what the fight was about, you know it’s time to mend fences. And getting the children together can be a good icebreaker for reestablishing a relationship.
A Child Can Give You More in Common with Family Members: When siblings have many years between them, they may find that they have little in common. For instance, if your brother is ten years older than you, he may have been married with children while you were still struggling with high school issues. Or perhaps you and your sister are close in age, but you always had different interests. You went to college, eventually becoming a partner in a law firm, while your free-spirited sister drifted from one city to the next, seemingly content to never settle down. And so for many years you seemed to have little in common. But having children gives you a link. You can now call and ask her how she survived her child’s first day of preschool—or whether she thinks it’s all that bad to take your child from one school in the middle of the school year to place him in a different school. You now share a connection.
Often, our fondest childhood memories consist of those times spent with our relatives at family get-togethers. Don’t let your child miss out on the same experiences. Take the time to get reacquainted with extended family members and build bonds between you. You’ll be glad you did, and you’ll be giving your child a lifetime of wonderful memories!
Adapted from Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year ©2006 by Bettie B. Youngs, Ph.D., Ed.D., Susan M. Heim, and Jennifer L. Youngs.
The book is available from your local bookstore, or directly from Hampton Roads Publishing Co. at www.hamptonroadspub.com or 1-800-766-8009.